Hippo Confusion

I am an animal lover. Especially Hippos. This is why I am sad today. This is why I am crying today.

I am banned from the zoo, forever readers. Escorted out via zoo security. Verbally assaulted, shamed and told to never return. For me, this is shattering, since I only had the best of intentions. I am not always the smartest of men, and am often manipulated by popular culture, and the television, and the world wide web.

How was I, a child of the 80's and 80's board games to know that Hippos do not like silver marbles? How was I to know that? Its not as if I went out of my way to hurt the majestic maidens of the shallow. I love them, and just wanted to fill them with joy - and marbles. What better way to make them happy than to give them their favorite food, silver marbles. Why would I go out of my way, (spending all of the money in my piggy bank) to buy 3500 silver marbles to feed to the Hippos, which I assumed were indeed Hungry Hungry.

I knew these fuckers were big, and I figured 3500 was a fair number. But, ohhhhhhh "Sir, what do you think you are doing dumping a satchel of marbles into that Hippos mouth. He is choking on marbles sir", "Sir, come with us, sir. You are in trouble!"

My diatribe of, "Hippos like Apples? Poppycock! A majestic beast such as that eating something that my grandmother would eat on a Sunday morning? Pshhshhht! No. The Hippo eats silver marbles. The Hippo eats whale heads, rebar, and blocks of concrete! Apples, I think not!!" as I was being ejected did not attract any sympathy towards me, and I will note that people began hissing at me, and throwing hot drinks in my direction.

I hate zookeepers, they are unaware, un-experts.

M. B. Wagon