Hello all, in case you have yet to hear, this morning a 20 foot long Basking Shark, has decided that basking in no longer in its best interest, and has washed ashore near Babylon, N.Y.
Initially it was thought that the creature had died of dementia brought on by its old age, however upon further analysis it is clear that its death is a far more lurid one. As investigators peered into the body of the Shark, they saw what appeared to be a strange looking British man, drinking a cup of tea, whilst installing a disco ball and a wooden floor in the shark's body - Yes it appears the internationally regarded conceptual artist, Damien Hirst is at it again. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damien_Hirst)
Its seems that his 1991 Shark Themed piece entitled The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living was only the beginning of his artistic forays into large fish. When investigators pressured him for comment Mr. Hirst triumphantly declared "Attention unintellectual idiots, this is my finest creation. Whereas 'The Physical Impossibility' project was an examination of life and death - the ironies and falsehoods that we the people use to reflect upon our own mortality, I ultimately felt that it left something to be desired."
Pushed for more, Mr. Hirst put down his cup of tea, flicked on the disco ball, began strapping on roller skates, and continued,
"Look you morons, life is not all fun and games. Some of us have to work for a living, and I am an artist - working for a living. I have decided to use the Basking Shark's innards to make a statement. Life on this planet is decaying, and nothing can be done to stop it. However, in knowing this, future generations must regale in hot tea's and roller discos - or more pointedly, what I have deemed to be the zenith of 'fun'. However this 'fun' must not be 'basked' in, rather it must be hidden away, sheltered on the inside. This is 1984 my friends, we are all doomed."
Mr. Hirst continued to rant for several more hours, noting that "An auction will be held this afternoon, winner will be host to tea and dancing inside of the beast - bids start at 6 million pounds..." It was around that time that authorities were called in to remove him from the inside of the Shark. He brandished a speargun, and was then shot in both feet by New York State Police.
That is all,
MBW
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