Canada

Hello all,
Today is Canada Day, the 142nd birthday of this wonderful moose filled country. This is how I plan on celebrating the day;
Straight way, I will strap on a pair of snow shoes, and cover myself in maple syrup, while watching Don Cherry's Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Volumes II - VII. I will then drink 485 millilitres of Canadian Whiskey. This will cause me to drunkenly stumble into my bedroom and fill my open palms with as many nickels as they will hold. I will then place the nickles in a hot oven. Starting a frying pan, I will cook 14 densely cut pieces of Canadian Bacon, and then cover the bacon in the hot nickles. Going down to the basement with hot nickle-bacon in hand, I will crawl into my "igloo" (which is made of Styrofoam), and watch a documentary on Niagara Falls. Rubbing a pickled beaver corpse on my naked syrup covered body, I will become elated, and decide to call the RCMP and ask to speak directly to Smokey The Bear. Next I will ingest high potency British Columbia Marijuana into my lungs, and consume another few hundred millilitres of the whiskey. Finally, I will high jack a Boeing Aircraft, land in Yellowknife, and ride a "Freedom Polar Bear" to Alert, while brandishing a Lacrosse Stick that I purchased from The Hudson's Bay.

Goodnight,
Mr. Bacon Wagon