Hip Hippy to the Hippity Hip Hop

Hello all,


Today is a day. Yesterday was also a day. During the day of yester, I attended a Hip-Hop show! T'was a grand time, many a beat was bumped, and many a lyric was spit (or perhaps spat). I am a fan of the hippity hop. Have been for many years; which is why I feel that I have the expertise to guide the non-learned hippity-hopper. Why would this person need my guidance you ask? Well, the world of The Hippity, can be a strange and tricky one. You see there are many do's and many do-nots in regards to styling, dancing, spiting, crunking, disc-jockeying, master of ceremonying, and the like. Therefore, if one was attempting to enter into the world of hippity, it would be wise to be casually versed in a few of these elements. This is where I come in. Being a foremost expert in all things hippity hop, I will attempt to familiarize the layman (nerd, geek, square) in the world of cool (rap music). For today's lesson, I will be tackling the aspect of lyricing, which also encompasses but is not limited to; spitting, flowing, and occasionally busting rhymes.
I will now begin with an evaluation and translation of a famous "spitting" of "bars" - which of course refers to expressing your disgust with a watering hole, because they refused to let you casually rub yourself in the corner of the Establishment. (Please remember that I am an expert).

Bar Spit example: This is a spitting by Lil' Turk which is featured on the "track" Bling, Bling by rap artist B.G., who is part of the Cash Money Millionaires. (yes it is OK to be confused). Lil' Turk says;

Got so much ice you can skate on a brotha

When you see cash money you know we stay flossin

Catch cha girl down bad ya know we straight tossin

I aint seen a click yet that can stunt like mine

I aint seen a marette that can run like mine

Pourin vodka til I die drank til I faint

Poetic Genius? Shakespeare, Robert Frost et all, eat shit? Well, yes. This is pure brilliance, and I can firmly say that Lil' Turk is more relevant and superior to Jesus Christ in every way. However, chances are you were not privy to this brilliance, and it begs translation, since you are probably a stupid idiot layman. Fair enough layman, here goes a line by line explanation

Got so much ice you can skate on a brotha: Turk has a large ice rink is his backyard. It is free for your skating pleasure.

When you see cash money you know we stay flossin: The members of his crew pratice effective dental hygene, several times a day, regardless of where they are.

Catch cha girl down bad ya know we straight tossin: Chances are, if Turk bumps into your girlfriend, he will ask her to engage in a game of catch, even though he knows she is not that good.

I aint seen a click yet that can stunt like mine: Here he is refering to "chick", clarifying this, we now know that Turk owns an extremely talented baby chicken; it excels in numerous circus acts.

I aint seen a marette that can run like mine: Strange but true, Turk has managed to genetically modify a fish ("marette"), giving it lean, muscular legs. It runs faster than all other fish - what a love for animals he possesses!!

Pourin vodka til I die drank til I faint: Turk is able to come back from the dead, and uses this talent to his advantage in drinking competitions.

There you have it, geeks. You are now a hipper-hopper. Feel free to dance.

Till next time, G's.

Mr. Bacon Wagon