More Than a Lady

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while, but I need to get pen to paper. I need this off my chest...How can I resist myself? I’m a 55 year old, married man. My wife, (together 30 years) and I have raised three beautiful children, all have become successful adults. Life has been a Silver Platter, it has been charmed...But still I ask; how can I resist myself?

I hear my thoughts saying to me constantly “Goddamn it Jim, get a hold of yourself”, but I can’t, I just can’t get her out of my mind. It’s getting really bad now, I think about her at work; she’s in my dreams and I am even finding myself less attracted to my wife! Just last night, she was practically begging me for sex, and I wanted nothing to do with it – that’s the first time that has ever happened! Usually, Beth gets me going like a rocket to Mars, but last night, I was cold, I was distracted.

She was in my head again...The way she walks...Her legs – I melt. I just melt.

I first noticed her a few weeks ago. It was 7am, and I was reading the morning paper, before work. She walked by my house, so casually, yet so interested in her surroundings, I could tell she was new to the area. So fit, and trim, clearly, health and fitness were a priority. I knew she was well taken care of... I had half a mind to go out there and introduce myself, but I just felt that it would have been awkward - my true intentions would have been too obvious. I would have been seen through, like a thin sheet in the sun, I mean, I was practically drooling in my coffee. But still, nothing had ever turned my crank like that before, and all it took was a glace, a first walk by. That was it. I was hooked.

It has now become a bit of a tradition in my life, a ritual. I get out of bed every morning like a kid on Christmas; it’s time for a glance! Oh my God, it’s time! I feel so pathetic, but I cannot resist.

A few days ago, 7am came, and just like clockwork there she was. Winter is setting in, and for the first time I saw her wearing a coat, and boots - I was instantly hard. She looked so Goddamned hot, but also cute. It’s like a cute bomb, collided with a sexy rocket, and landed directly on her legs. I was fucking entranced; in fact, in one of my more embarrassing moments, my wife came down from the shower, and caught me with my hand down my pants. Luckily, She was entirely too shocked to say anything, and we both pretended that nothing had happened...Poor Beth, so innocent to the nature of my addiction, yet so worried. She knows something is amiss, but it seems like she is too afraid to ask me what it is...God this is hard for me. My wife truly is a special women, however my hear t is no longer hers, and it is killing me, killing her. I see it in her eyes, I see it in mine.

Today, as I write this, I feel as though my addiction is coming to a head. It’s getting worse. I called in sick to work, a few hours ago...Why? Well, Beth is out of town, on business, and I have an insatiable urge to act on my...My God...On my...Illness...I feel like crying, but at the same time, I’ve never felt so exhilarated.

You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I rented all those movies. I think he knew something was up. And, the women at the calendar stand? Who buys 15 calendars? But I couldn’t help myself; they were all so provocative in their own way. So many choices...

So here I sit, calendars scattered on the floor, open to meaningless months, high gloss pictures looking up at me...Beethoven, on the DVD, Turner and Hooch on deck, and Lassie, the icing on the cake.

It’s 6:45am; soon she’ll be walking by my window, gracing my life with her presence yet again. All four legs bouncing rhythmically to the beat of my heart...

It’s going be a long day.

It’s going be a long life.

Jim