Hello M'lady

Hello M’lady,

We met, (well, I stared at you), on the Subway a few days ago. You were sexually attractive, although, it seems like you might need some advice, so I am here to help. Please allow me to refresh your memory:

The other day, I was taking my usual ride to work, southbound on the Fuck-Tube (Subway). I happened to be extremely hung-over, from a raucous night of Scotch Drinking, and Pot Smoking. I was not the least bit happy to be scuffing along - in suit and tie - preparing for another day of "work" (which encompasses me avoiding actual work, by taking 25 minute dumps - frequently).

My spirits were lifted however, when I spotted you. You were seated, with your Mac Laptop open, headphones on, looking rather engaged. Your face was quite stunning, and in my hung-over state, I began to fantasize that you were watching hardcore gangbang pornography, on said Mac. And, in turn, that you would be getting up from your seat very soon, to approach me, and cordially invite me to gape you in the bathroom at Bloor Station.

As I pictured myself flicking my spare change into your stretched-out asshole (my boner, hard as Thor's Hammer), you began to fumble about in your purse for something. I assumed that it was going to be some lube (as Bloor Station was rapidly approaching), and I continued to watch you, with pressing interest.

To my surprise (disgust), you pulled out a circa 1992 yellow Sony walkman. Yes, I am talking about you, you stupid idiot. It seems as though, side one of your Jesus Jones’s Doubt had ended, and you just could not wait for side two! I had assumed that your headphones were hooked up to a device such as an IPod, or perhaps directly to your Laptop, since both of those devices have the capacity to play literately thousands of songs with ease - with no need to stop, and change sides.

Just so you are aware:
Most people do not purchase a Laptop, just so they can balance their typewriter on it.
Most people do not purchase a Car, just so they can have it towed by horses.
Most people are aware that the current year is 2009.
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Now, I was forced to draw one of two conclusions from this societal folly:

1) You are a Luddite, the computer is stolen, and you have no idea what it does. You were simply so entranced by “Right here, right now”, that you were giving off the impression that you were actually engaged in some sort of techno jibba-jabba, while in actuality the screen was as blank as your feeble mind.

2) You are an ironic whore, who loves cock in the mouth and ass.

If you are 1) write me a letter, as to where and when you want to ass-fuck.
If you are 2) Email me a letter, as to where and when you want to ass-fuck.
Cheerio,