Take Me With You

"Yes!!", James hung up the phone excitedly. It was 10pm on a Wednesday, and He had just been informed that he was the winner of an all expenses paid trip for him and a guest to Paris, France!
Pacing around his apartment giddily, he could not wait to tell his girlfriend. She would be so excited! He was thrilled with the possibilities that this trip would have for their relationship - perhaps this was a chance for James and Kate to take it to the "next level", he thought.
Unfortunately, His girlfriend was currently out of town on business, set to return tomorrow...
He simply could not wait that long to break the news to "someone" at the very least. But who?

...He thought to himself, "Why not facebook? This seems like a perfect little status update. Rub it in to all of my e-friends! Ha ha, yes, Ill do it...", with that James went to his laptop and began typing;

James Balls Has just won an all expenses paid trip to Paris! Leaving in a week, bitches!!!!!! Wooowowowowowoow!!!!!

Satisfied with his post, he logged off.

With that he drifted to sleep, a broad smile set on his face like blissful mortar. Hours later he awoke to the sound of the phone ringing on his bedside table. He gazed wearily at his alarm clock; 7am. "Oh Kate, your gonna love what I have to tell ya", he said, suddenly awake. He picked up the phone, and let out a cheerful, "Hey baby! Great News!"

"Hahah, fuck off dude! I'm not your baby, you asshole!
"Wha-what the? Who the fuck is this?!", James demanded
"What kind of a response it that, dick breath? Who is this? Fuck man, its Bobby! Your best friend Bobby. The Guy you see at least 3 times a week, Bobby! The same guy you did those unmentionable things in Vegas with, Bobby."
"Ugh, Bobby, what the fuck man? Its Seven am, why are you calling me? Fuck off!"
"Dude. Heard about your little trip there on facebook, bro."
"Ya. So."
"Dude. You've got to take me with you, I hear the bitches are sluts in Paris. Papapapapapow!!!"
"Bobby, are you fucked? Does your brain have cancer? I'm not taking you to Paris! I'm going with Kate, in fact that's who I figured was calling me, fuckhead."
"Phhh. Kate? Ya right - kill your trip, fuck your trip in the ass. You don't need to worry about taking Kate...Look I know your really want to party on this thing, and I figured that you would be forced to take her, so I took care of the situation..."
"What the fuck do you mean, 'took care', Bobby?"
"What I mean is that, I worked out a plan last night when I heard about this on FB. You know how she was comin' in from Pearson this morning?
"Yes, I was aware of that, Bobby"
"Well this morning, I got up early, met her at the airport, sayin' something like, 'Hi Kate, James asked me to pick you up since he didn't want you to take a cab'. She was all like 'Oh Bobby, your such a good guy'. I was all like 'ya', then I drugged her, and locked her in my basement! yeayeayeayeah!!!"
"WHAT!!? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY, BOBBY!!?"
"Chill out, homo. I drugged her, and locked her in my basement not a big deal at all. Now we can go to Paris together, and you get off scott free!
"DUDE! You cannot be serious, You are in a whole FUCKLOAD of TROUBLE, BOBBY! What the FUCK is wrong with you!!?"
"Wow man, you are a punk, a straight punk. I go out of my way to make sure that your trip is filled with banging sluts, and getting wasted, instead of stupid loser couple stuffs, and you take a shit on my efforts. Oh, I'm so sorry, James! I had no idea that you wanted to skip around in a park with stupid Kate all day, instead of getting wasted, and jockin' bitches with your bro. You are a changed man, man."
"Bobby, you'd better hope I never see you again, cuz I will break your skull, you fucking piece of shit!!! Oh, and furthermore, your fucked - I'm about to call the cops."
- Click -

Immediately after hanging up on Bobby, James called the police. They retrieved Kate, unharmed from Bobby's basement. She was chained to the furnace, surrounded by a case of Joe Louis's, and 7 tins of Mountain Dew - it is thought that this would have kept her alive for at least 2 days.
The Police arrested Bobby at a nearby high school, where he was smoking marijuana with teenagers. He is expected to face counts of Kidnapping and Forceable Confinement, to which he faces a maximum of 16 years in a federal penitentiary.

The day before his trip, James dumped Kate cold, and went with his other buddy Frank, who knew a couple of freaky bitches with a place in downtown Paris. Apparently Frank had assured James that "It was on like Donkey Kong."