The Dawning of a New Era in Blogging

Good day, all.
As the title suggests, this post is all about "The Dawning of a New Era in Blogging". Now, this is indeed a lie, and may easily be misinterpreted. What I really meant by this is "I have been unemployed long enough that cabin fever has set in. I have contemplated collecting my urine in Mason Jars, and am rapidly losing my sanity. Therefore I have decided to start a blog to get some things off my chest, since I do not want to wake up in 2014, with a scraggly beard, brandishing a semi-defrosted White Fish at innocent people outside of a Starbucks at 3pm"

With that being said, I should introduce myself, and also the theme of this blog, and perhaps overview some potential blog topics, in order to acclimatize the new reader to this blog, and to my style of blogging, and my blog related matters in the overall blogosphere.

I am Mr. Bacon Wagon. Having a name such as this, you may assume that my Father was a Bacon Wagoner. You would be horribly incorrect in that assessment. My Father always dreamed of being a Bacon Wagoner, yet was never able to muster up the moxy, or gusto to drop his semi-lucrative career - finding bits of string, and making "ferret necklaces" - to become a Bacon Wagoner full bore.
In 1974, My Father illegally changed his surname to Bacon Wagon, however it became clear rather quickly that this was a horrible gaff on his part. All through town My Father was ridiculed for his decision, and quickly his ferret necklaces became passe, and He and I were forced to move to a stinky, and abandoned bread factory on the outskirts of town. (My Mother had long since left him, moving to Rural Bulgaria to join a band of "outside piss takers")

Although we had all the poorly made bagels we could eat, My Father's behaviour became dark, and it was clear that his obsession with becoming a bacon wagoner was consuming his mortal soul. One day in the summer of 1987, I came home from my part time job - kissing homeless men on the chest - to discover My Father's dying body on the bakery floor, surrounded by a rusty wagon, which was adorned with pieces ferret meat, and string. At first I thought "The Demo Ferrets" had turned on him, however it became clear that this was not a'tall the case. Rather, he had turned on his beloved's; skinning them, and applying their meat(s) to the rusty wagon with a glue-stick, and his string(s), in an ill-fated and final attempt to become a Bacon Wagoner.
Shocked, and crying uncontrollably, I looked on as my father inserted the four fingers of his right hand into his mouth and began to shake his legs violently. I knew of course, that this was his long established way of telling me that he had a secret to share with me.

As I leaned in towards my dying fathers ear, he kneed me in the groin, and spit on the floor (the secret evidently was going to very significant) - only inches from his ear, in his final dying breath, I heard him say "Son, honour me. Do as I could not; become a Bacon Wagoner - and remember, I am fairly certain that Mustard is the Key."
And with that he died.
I went to the fridge, my shirt soaked from sobbing, grabbed a bottle of "Keens" Hot Mustard, and walked out of the house, leaving My Father's body for the Gypsies. Unfortunately for Myself, and in turn for My Father's memory, he never did tell me what exactly a Bacon Wagoner was. I have contacted (via post), many Historians, Farmers, and Wagon makers, all of whom have assured me that they have never heard of "bacon wagoning", in any form, and that it is probably best to come to terms with what was undoubtedly My Father's rampant insanity.

As hard of a story that is for me to tell, it is necessary. I have needed to get it off my chest, and it seems that this Blog is the ideal way to accomplish that - as I have been violently removed from many a family restaurant for uttering the aforementioned story, unannounced at the top of my lungs.

Now, as for the theme and potential topics;
As a man, I am scarred with My Father's life, death, and my inability to fulfill his dying request (although I have amassed a majestic, and extensive mustard collection, through which many attempts at "Bacon Wagoning" have been poorly received by nearly everyone who had bore them witness), and it is for that reason that I seem to have a spurned attitude towards humans, and society as a whole. Through my overall hatred for mankind, I have acquired many strange traits, and observations, all of which will be extensively hashed out within the blog.

Generic topics may or may not include:

• Pee and Poo (and their place in society)
• Public Transit
• Mustard
• Consuming Things
• Running and Physical activities
• Pornography (and its place in society)
• Generic Observations
• And The Like...

Thank you for taking the time to read my very first entry. Keep watch for daily updates, and I am indeed hoping that this blog with be therapeutic, and will prevent me from taking off my clothing in Burger King's.

Cheerio,

Mr. Bacon Wagon.