Scent

Hello All,

Welcome to today's blog entry.

This morning I was thumbing through my neighbours Star Magazine, in hopes of catching a glimpse of some delicious celebrity gossip/breasts, when I stumbled upon an rather intriguing advertisement.

Did you know, fair readers that Tim McGraw has entered himself into the glamorous world of celebrity inspired scents? Yes indeed.

For, what I am sure is a quite reasonable price, Mr. McGraw will sell you his Essenes. I hope that you are all as excited as I am with the opportunity to smell like a County Singer with the clout and international acclaim of Mr. McGraw. It gives me full-erection, knowing that when I leave my house wearing him, I will no doubt be swooning only the finest drunken cougars. I can see them fighting and jockeying for position to get closer to the front of the stage while I belt out John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" on Karaoke, 18 Jack and Cokes deep. Perhaps I will let them all fondle me, casting rational thought to the wayside; "To heck with it ladies, do not fight. Tim would not want that. Let me take you all home, as I have many ice cold Blue Ribbons. Let us frolic in Tim's essence, worry not about you Garments, as we will sort out the Acid Washed jeans in the morning time".

Ah, sweet life. Thank You, Tim for creating this fine product. I know you created it, not to whore out your own fame, so you can buy only the finest of ATVs, but for the the little people like myself. Those who dream of waking up surrounded my single mothers, and makeup stained sheets.

I am well aware of the earth shattering ramifications of this product, and I am (as early stated) sexually aroused by its arrival. However I for one know that this is not the only celebrity inspired scent, (albeit far and away the most dominant), nor shall it be the last. It is quite clear that fame (even in small doses) makes people want to smell you. Therefore I have decided to throw my dice on the table, and predict what I feel are the most likely upcoming candidates for a Celebrity Scent of their very own:

1) The Spice is Right: Now that he has retired from his Game Show hosting gig, Mr. Bob Barker has made the logical step into scenting. This remarkable scent is derived from severed Dog Penises, fermented in lavender, and Plinko Chips. It is finished with a dash of "Shame Sweat", which is extracted from the bodies of sleeping Barker's Beauties, only minutes after being penetrated by Mr. Barker himself!! $29.95, for 50ml bottle, available at Pet-Stores nation wide.

2) Lyle Lovett's, Trickery: For the man who has nothing, but wants everything. To wear Trickery, you must enjoy an massively inflated sense of confidence, and entitlement. Mr. Lovett knows a thing or two about both of these issues, however even he knows that these elements are not enough to land gorgeous women, when your face resembles a melted record. That is where the secret of Trickery comes into play, this cologne does not bore scent, rather it is bottled Rohypnol, disguised in a fancy Cologne like container. With a few sprays, women will become so "intoxicated" by your scent that they will not be the slightest bit concerned as to your physical appearance. Ideal for the ugly, untrustworthy, scum-like male, it is available at pharmacy's nationwide. bottle sold separately.

3) Captivity by Josef Fritzl: Meant to intimidate, this powerful scent will leave people feeling trapped by your presence. Best worn in the dark of night, an alluring grasp will take hold of those who come into contact with Captivity's unrelenting scent. Designed to resemble a lock and key, this Cologne smells of dank basements, and is sure to be a crowd pleaser with female transients, schizophrenics, and the generally insane. Be sure to apply a few dashes before partying under any freeway, or confined space. Available in Austria only, special orders accepted, according to Mr. Fritzl, price subject nightly position of Moon, and "Xzanga".

4) Screech Lightning: We all know lovable TV geek Screech, portrayed by none other than Dustin Diamond. Well, years removed from enjoying super Saved by the Bell success, Mr. Diamond has created a dynamic scent specifically designed for post-sex application. This lotion is made of world class Belgian chocolate, and mud rooted from the rain forests of Indonesia. The lotion can be applied to the entire face, however it works best when spread evenly across the upper lip. Naturally made; $ 69.99 for 125ml bottle.

5) Grimace. Purple. Sex.: Previously, little was know about Grimace, other than the fact that he rolled tight with Ronald, and was kinda cool with the Hamburglar. An innocent, silent burger eating machine, from the outside it appeared that "G. Sexy" (as he is now known) only had one true passion; The Burger. Clearly one should not judge a book by its cover, as Grimace (G. Sexy) has formally plunged into the world of scent. Mixing "Pure Purple" with two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and sesame seed bun, Grimace (G. Sexy) was able to create a scent so intoxicating that several of the first people to wear Grimace. Purple. Sex. were tragically crushed to death by a mob of confused/angry obese people. Coming soon to Wal-Mart's World Wide.

There you have it fair readers, five sure fire predictions!

I hope you have enjoyed today's blog.

Have an excellent day,

Mr. Bacon Wagon